Of Expecting at Christmastime...

We've come to the countdown part of this pregnancy! **GOOD THING, HUH??! I've definitely reached beach-ball-belly stage** With just 8 days remaining until induction (Lord willing--or she could come sooner), I have to say these 9 months have gone by incredibly fast. So fast that I really can't believe we'll be adding a little girl to our family in about a week. Perhaps its the season too, with all its scurrying and bustling about. I've definitely been "nesting" in spurts. Yesterday I did some major rearranging for baby preparation and let the gift wrapping slide. But that was after 2 weeks of highly focused advent preparation with the creation of our Jesse Tree ornaments, the gathering of gifts and wrapping of maybe 75% of them, the reorganizing of toys and clothes currently owned, ending with a van load of stuff hauled away to donate. (where does all this STUFF come from!?)

I find in the lulls though its easy to allow new fears to take claim on my thoughts. Fears that I didn't experience much with the other 3. After 3 very easy deliveries, will this one be long and hard? After 3 very healthy thriving children, will she struggle and be physically challenged? After 3 "good babies," will she cry for hours for no apparent reason and tax my sanity with loss of sleep? After having such an easy pregnancy, will something go terribly wrong here at the end? Fears are loud sometimes, and the struggle to Trust is hardest in the quiet moments. I've come to realize that my default view of God, without a conscious effort to hold fast to the promises contained in scripture to the contrary, is very Yin-Yang. For instance, this view would conclude that there's only so much good allotted to a person in life and that there must be a balance of "evil" or "bad things" to even things out. Or that old saying about "waiting for the other shoe to fall" like I'm expecting some calamity to follow the blessing. Anyway it ends up being a very god-like not God-like viewpoint of one who's capricious and untrustworthy. Certainly not the God of the Bible who is unchanging, who's faithfulness and mercy are renewed daily, who has promised that goodness and mercy shall follow all the days of my life. Certainly not the Saviour who gives grace upon grace.

So I'm repeating the true things that my head knows even when my heart falters with doubts and fears. I'm treasuring the Advent devotions that recount His purposeful, providential work in all of History. Just yesterday we read Micah's prophesy concerning Bethlehem. Caesar thought the census was his idea, but it was God's. Jesus would have been born at home in Nazareth if Mary and Joseph could have chosen, certainly not in a Bethlehem stable! I feel very blessed this year to be experiencing Christmas SOOO pregnant. I am able to feel a little more fully the trip to Bethlehem. Though, I frankly am unable to imagine just how horrible riding a donkey 9mos with child would be! Lying in a nice warm comfortable bed is uncomfortable right now!

May the Prince of Peace reign in your hearts as you celebrate the wonder of "FOR UNTO US a child is born..." Mary gave birth, but he was born unto us. Merry Christmas!